There were over fifty referees at my son's recent soccer game. Its not because he's in a super aggressive league. They were watching from the sidelines and having advanced referee training. With their clipboards and spiral notebooks, they were dedicated to learn every nuance and rule of the game.
Ever wonder how sports would work without all the refs and rules? Games would degenerate into chaos and--based on the worst of human nature--many players would cheat, foul, push and trip other players. Sportsmanlike behavior would probably decrease rather than increase.
Marriages also need to operate by rules. Successful husbands listen to an inner marriage ref and abide by expected sportsmanlike conduct. Husbands that don't play by the rules risk watching their wives walk off the field and out of their lives--game and marriage over. Infidelity is called cheating because it breaks the most basic rule of marriage. But there are many other rules that husbands often break, either knowingly or unknowingly. I'm amazed at husbands that regularly stay out to 4AM with their buddies just as they did before marriage. And when their wives complain, they get angry! Still single at heart and mind, they don't accept that marriage comes with new rules of the game. They don't accept that marriage is not an individual sport. It's a team sport.
The definition of a rule is a prescribed principle for conduct. What rules do you follow as a husband? What do you consider sportsmanlike conduct with your wife? I recommend every husband write out a list of five principles or rules that can make his marriage succeed. Take ten minutes sometime and write down your top five rules. Here are some additional suggestions:
The definition of a rule is a prescribed principle for conduct. What rules do you follow as a husband? What do you consider sportsmanlike conduct with your wife? I recommend every husband write out a list of five principles or rules that can make his marriage succeed. Take ten minutes sometime and write down your top five rules. Here are some additional suggestions:
1. Remember you are on the same team with you wife. She's not your opponent. Communicate with her often--even when you think it isn't necessary. Pro basketball players talk with each other before the game, during the game, and after the game--every game. Even though they are on the same team and see each other every day, they talk with each other constantly. A player that doesn't communicate with his team mates or skips a time-out or huddle will look and play like a fool on the playing field. So even though you see your wife every day, talk with her about your day and hers. Call and text her. Send an email sometimes. And here's a great topic to talk about sometime: the five rules to a successful marriage. Take a half an hour or more sometime and come up with your top five together. If you and your wife don't know what these rules are by now, how can you play the game together of a great marriage?
2. Enjoy the rules. Rules are meant to make things go smoother and better, not for the worst. We have stop lights on streets and rules in sports to prevent injuries to players. The same rules make traffic flow smoother and games to play better. Don't be an anarchist husband that hates rules. Husbands that don't spend time with their wives or never call because they don't like rules won't be husbands for long. Rules are for our good. Love the rules.
3. Be sportsmanlike in your marriage. When your teammate misses a pass, jumps offside, or misses a field goal, you have a choice in how you react. Insults, grudges, or sarcastic jokes are one option. Graciousness and support are another. The best teams and players choose the latter. So do the best marriages and husbands. Think of three qualities of sportsmanlike conduct that you respect most. How can you apply these to your marriage?
You don't have fifty refs watching your conduct as a husband. Not even one. No ref is going to throw a flag at you the next time you lose your temper or foul your wife. But you can throw a flag at yourself and apologize to her. Hold yourself to a higher standard and be your own marriage ref. Men of faith also believe that God is watching how they love their wives and that He gives practical rules on how to love ( I Cor. 13:4-7 in the Bible offers some of the best rules on love ever written. If you don't have a Bible, Google the passage and memorize it). Good sportsmanship and husbandship have a whole lot in common.
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