Marriage in the Groove



Marc in the groove with Brian Simpson



Ever wish you could make music like your favorite artist? My personal favorite is jazz guitarist Marc Antoine. I play his song Latin Quarter all the time.  I love his music so much that I just hopped on a boat and saw Marc perform live at the Catalina Jazz Festival in Avalon (photo of Marc "in the groove" with Brian Simpson on Saturday). Now I not only hear the music in my ears, I can see it too. And though I'm not a musician, I need to play like him too. Every husband should. And every wife can try. Whether you're a musician or not, you play a live concert every day with your beloved. So how does your music sound? And how is your groove together?

One reason I've always marveled at jazz is because of the amazing synchronicity that goes on between the band members. Keyboard, guitar, bass, drums and sax all play in sync with each other's rhythm. The artists are musically reading each other, playing face to face as they jam, eye to eye and soul to soul. They are in the groove together, and it is amazing to watch. Each artist is playing his or her own instrument, but each tracks with the other and feature each other. They share the stage together, nodding and making room for each other. Playing in the groove, the music is so much better. Each person supports the other to sound their best. It's good for everybody.

Husbands and wives need to play together in the same kind of groove. Too many marriages lose their rhythm not long after their wedding day. They start off making a great sound together, but like disgruntled band members they eventually break up. Their album has three or four great songs but they never finish it. One quits playing with all his heart, and she never lets go of his mistakes. He's critical of her style, and she feels too hurt to play anymore. It happens all the time. The music, the love, the rhythm all stop. If this has happened to you, it's time to get back in the groove. Here are three ways to get there:

Play like a professional--not like an amateur

Professional musicians practice their craft for thousands and thousands of hours. They know that practice is the only way to sound better and better. When you are looking at a world-class performer, you are looking at practice, practice and more practice. They don't reach their potential by picking up their instrument whenever they feel like it. Although they play their instrument--they are also work at it! It's play and work.

Marriage demands the same commitment from husbands and wives. You don't feel like taking her out on dates anymore? Do it again anyway. You're disappointed with his career? Encourage him anyway. You choose. You can be an amateur spouse or love like a pro. You didn't just make a commitment on your wedding day. You must stay committed to love your spouse like a professional artist commits to his craft. Practice loving every day--for years. For thousands and thousands of hours. Your marriage deserves it. The results will show it.

Use Grace to Get back in Sync

Even the best artists have their bad days and must battle to find their rhythm again. Things happen. A band member gets sick, distracted, or just plain tired or exhausted, and he gets out of sync with the others. Worse still, two members start resenting or feud with each other. We're all human. We all get out of sync sometimes. For couples, the key is to do whatever it takes to get back in their groove. Maybe you need to talk about something that you've been avoiding. Maybe you need to take a good rest! Maybe you need to compromise on an important decision. Above all, get back in rhythm again by giving and receiving grace, amazing grace (how sweet the sound). Play together again, face to face, eye to eye, soul to soul with grace, love and support. And if you still can't get back in sync on your own, consider a marriage counselor to help the music flow again.

Have Fun Together

My favorite musicians appear to have fun when they play. Their music is the better for it as well as their rapport with the audience. Marriage is also meant to be fun. Yes, it takes work, but it also takes play. As said before, great musicians work at their craft but play at their concerts. Married couples need to play together as they did when they were dating.

Love like a professional, stay in sync, and have fun while you play together. Make your marriage your favorite song and the best concert you've ever heard. Get in the groove together!



Marc and Me in after-concert groove