Thirty Tons of Self-Criticism

The new Red Era museum just opened in China. Its collection holds vast amounts of historical objects from the worst years in the country’s history.  The Great Leap Forward and The Cultural Revolution in the 1950’s to 70’s were a nightmare.  More than 40 million Chinese died from starvation.  Three million were executed, 36 million were persecuted, and 1.5 million were left  with life-long injuries.  The museum holds two tons of Mao badges that people had to wear. Another exhibit holds thousands of mirrors with propaganda that people had to hang in their homes and look at every day.

One collection especially stands out.  The museum holds thirty tons of written letters of self-criticism.  Before execution, or to avoid execution or persecution, millions of people were forced to write criticisms of their old ways of thinking or living.  A letter could be self-critical for loving classical music (forbidden) or not working hard enough for Mao and the revolution. Depending on the Red Guards’ mood, the person would be let go, shot, tortured or sent off to a labor camp.

Although in a completely different setting in my therapy office, I also hear people criticize themselves every day—but they aren't forced to do it.  They do it to themselves voluntarily and regularly.  Although there's nothing wrong with criticizing ourselves once in a while, some people carry around thirty tons of it.  They never let it go or put it down--and it's crushing them.

Many people are critical of themselves since childhood.  They grew up with critical, abusive or absent parents and still hear the same voices in their heads.  Others criticize themselves for things they've done in life, like being overweight, having an affair, or going bankrupt.  They treat themselves like a Red Guard with no mercy for their crimes.  They look into a mirror and see a condemning Guard looking back at them.  Millions of people have mirrors like this hanging in their homes. Perfectionists look into mirrors like this every day.    

How many tons of self-criticism are you carrying around in life?  What are the critical voices saying in your heart and mind?  Do you criticize yourself more than you would ever criticize your best friend—or worst enemy?   Here are three steps to your personal freedom from chronic self-criticism:

1.         Talk to a trusted person about your self-criticisms.  Confession is good for the soul (when done with a trusted person).  If you carry guilt and shame about anything in your life, you only make your burden worse by shouldering it alone.  A close friend, spouse or therapist can give you some needed relief, comfort or direction.  Or you may discover that you make a mountain out of a mole hill.  Your friend may help you discover that you are not as bad or awful (stupid, unlovable--the critical list is endless)  as you think you are.  You may find more understanding and acceptance of yourself as you openly talk things out.

2.     Stop treating yourself like a Red Guard.  Instant retribution and self-condemnation for mistakes or regrets does not make for a life of happiness.  I hear many clients say they feel like killing themselves for something they regret.  Over 38,000 Americans literally killed themselves last year.  Suicide is our tenth leading cause of death today.  I call it our leading unnecessary cause of death. 

3.         Live under grace.  The antidote to shame and self-criticism is grace.  If you're carrying around  thirty tons of self-criticism in your life, consider trading it for thirty tons of grace instead. Grace actually doesn't weigh anything.  It makes people feel physically lighter and even stand taller.  God above has grace for you.  He's not a Red Guard with a bayonet.

Go ahead and be critical of yourself at times—but don’t ever stop there.  Look up and open up to God’s unlimited grace, love, and forgiveness for you.  Here’s the good news from a Psalm, “He does not treat us as our sins deserve, or repay us according to our wrongs.” (103:10)   Look into a mirror with this Psalm written on it--or dozens of other such Scriptures.  This isn't a propagandist lie.  It’s the truth from heaven for you.  You're forgiven and loved.  Drop off your self-criticisms at a museum somewhere.